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6 hours ago
Makes You Think…
I remember when steve jobs died, and the media was flooded with people talking about how amazing he was and whatnot. And then there were the people who were all like, “people are so upset over one dude’s death, when [insert number here] people just died in [insert region/location here] because of [insert reason here]. And a quote that got thrown around a lot (as well as many variations) was “A single death is a tragedy; a million is a statistic”
Well I happened upon that quote today while reading leisurely.
Turns out it’s a quote coined by one Joseph Stalin
#MakesYouThink
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Notes: 3 / 1 week ago
I, at 1:30 in the morning on what is technically Sunday, may 20th, have become acutely aware of my crippling, and near paralyzing, fear of failure.
I’m not exactly sure how I arrived at this conclusion (I can almost guarantee that Childish Gambino was at least in part responsible), but now that I’m here, it makes perfect sense relative to everything going on in my life. This fear is sooo paralyzing that I’m at a point where I won’t make any serious attempt at anything where the outcome isn’t guaranteed success or inescapable failure. And as a result, once I’ve decided in my head that something will end badly, why even try right?
It explains my attitude towards class. If I’m doing well in a class, I like it and focus on it. Even going the (unnecessary) extra mile in some cases. However if a class starts out bad, or takes a turn for the worse somewhere along the line, I find some way in which ton sabotage myself. Or just tell myself it’s not worth the effort. So I stop trying. Not a good look.
It explains my attitude towards girls and relationships. I am so subconsciously terrified of rejection, and to an extend anticipate it so heavily, that I suspect I’ve been perpetually self friend-zoning myself. Unless of course I know I’m guaranteed succcess. In which case I’ve been known to make some…less than tasteful choices.
It explains my attitude towards my body image. I’m acutely aware of the way I look as well as of how I perceive myself. I know that deep down, hell, I know on the surface, that I’m disgusted with both those things. For most people that’s enough incentive to change and do something about it, but all I do is pay lip service to it. Say I’m gonna change. Say I’m comfortable with who I am. But the truth is, I’ve tried and failed to change both those things before. And I’m now so afraid of repeating those failures that I won’t put any serious effort into trying anymore.
It explains my attitude, in part, towards my major. The moment it became apparent to me that I was failing at being an engineer, I gave up on it. Luckily, just this once, this fear helped me realize that I was doing engineering for all the wrong reasons. And also helped me realize my passion for economics. But it blows my mind because, get this, what do I want to DO with my economics degree? Be an economics teacher. And you know what they say: Those who can’t do, teach, right?
It’s really funny, because I distinctly remember a time when I wasn’t like this. I’ve been out of shape before. And what did I do? I joined the football team, got into the best shape of my life. The girl who is my best friend can vouch for me on this one: there was a time when I near relentlessly chased after the girl I love, even when she made it expressely clear that I had no chance. Repeatedly. Now I just passively accept that fact. In a relationship, that’s what leads to getting cheated on, or a divorce/breakup. Hell I remember the first time I failed a class, I busted my ASS to pass it the next marking period. Hell, I even cried over it. Now, I make pathetic excuses as to why it happened.
It’s weird. Now that I’ve been on this for about half an hour, I can kinda pinpoint where this all started. Last summer. Came home from my first year at PSU. Grades were less than stellar. When my mother found out, she flipped shit. To this day, she will not stop giving me shit about it, as well as all my other ‘shortcomings’ in her eyes. And I think I decided, after 4 months of her shit, that I would do it and not care. But looking back, and at right now, I realize that she wasn’t saying those things to belittle me, but to make sure I stayed on the right track. I was so focused on living my own live and doing my own thing, that I started doing this to myself to spite a woman who has only wanted the best for me for the last 20 years.
At the end of every school year, one of the things I’m always glad for is time to think. Time to sort myself out and figure out what’s going on in my head. Coming to this conclusion might have been the single best thing to happen to me in a long time. And the timing couldn’t be better. I have four months without school to change and make myself better. And I would be remiss to let this opportunity pass me. I’m done with this passive, being scared shit. Because honestly, it’s not me.
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Notes: 17097 / 3 months ago from gurukennedy (originally from katnyss)
Easily one of the best movies I’ve ever seen” Are you like a Crazy person?”
“Many might say I am”
Favorite movie. Hands down..
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4 months ago from bookmarklet
The Gay Rights Movement (by RyanJamesYezak)
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Notes: 15448 / 4 months ago from beautifullstruggle (originally from kyle-x)
I hope the day never comes when this is how I feel about my life
(Source: kyle-x)
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Notes: 80352 / 4 months ago from chahlie (originally from jonwithabullet)
oh shit
white people be gettin’ too comfortable
(Source: jonwithabullet)
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Notes: 15900 / 4 months ago from sputnik-sweetheart-888 (originally from niknak79)
HAHAHAHAHAHAH. that’s why you always smell water bottles if they’ve been opened….
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Notes: 75841 / 4 months ago from leceroxursox (originally from dopepictures)
(Source: dopepictures)
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Notes: 23151 / 4 months ago from chahlie (originally from thetrippytribe)
Am I free?
Me: Am I free to assemble a protest of peaceful peers?Government: Only with a permit.Me: Am I free to travel?Government: Only with a passport.Me: Am I free to pursue my own ideas of happiness?Government: Only within these constraints.Me: Am I free to start a business?Government: Only with a license.Me: Am I free to marry who I wish?Government: Only with my consent.Me: Am I free?Government: I'm legally obligated to say that you are.Government: Stop asking so many questions. -
Notes: 221763 / 4 months ago from iamvivaglam (originally from retires)
(Source: retires)
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